


The Supreme Goof

by Nerd_Mom_Writer



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Comedy, Crack, F/M, Farce, Romantic Comedy, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 10:06:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14691975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerd_Mom_Writer/pseuds/Nerd_Mom_Writer
Summary: COMPLETE. Post-TLJ farcical Reylo story. Kylo Ren just can't seem to get Rey's attention no matter what he does, so he asks for advice from Hux and Phasma. Hux says become the hero Rey wants. Phasma says ignore her. Kylo Ren does both, and Rey panics.





	1. Chapter 1

The battle of Crait was a month done, and Kylo Ren still sulked. Not only was he stuck in charge of the First Order, but he had no idea where the Millenium Falcon had gone with the remaining dregs of the Resistance, and Hux had been insufferable the first few weeks.

And worse, Rey wouldn’t speak to him.

The bond was still there. Whether Snoke had really created it or not, Kylo didn’t know, but it was still connecting them, though less often. At first, they were both silent, but eventually, Kylo got sick of it. 

“Why didn’t you join me?”

“We could have been ruling the galaxy together right now.”

“What do you plan to do with only a few dozen Resistance members and a single beaten-up ship older than either of us?”

She never answered a single question, and she always looked away.

So Kylo got creative. He started walking around her so she would have to turn her head or close her eyes to avoid eye contact. He poked her. He blew at her wispy hair. He tugged her ears. He tickled her once, though that had ended with a sharp elbow to his gut, so he stopped that tactic. He showed up shirtless. He even showed up naked once, just to see what she would do, but though she blushed deeply, she still ignored him.

One day, during one of their bonds, he sat behind Rey, leaned on her back, and asked, “Why did you stop talking to me?”

“Because you’re not who I thought you were,” Rey said. 

Kylo froze. It was the first time in weeks he had heard her voice. “Who did you think I was?” he asked carefully.

“Ben Solo. A hero. Someone who would end this war through peace and liberate the galaxy from living in terror,” Rey replied. “I thought you were more than a monster. I was wrong.”

Kylo was silent as he considered her words, and the bond ended unexpectedly, tossing him backwards onto the floor where he had been leaning on Rey. He landed hard on the back of his skull. “Oww.”

He was still mulling over Rey’s words when he sat down for dinner that night with Hux and Phasma, the latter of which had somehow miraculously survived near certain death--again. “I need advice,” he said after a minute, interrupting an intense discussion on stormtrooper recruitment between Phasma and Hux.

They both looked at him sharply. “Can you say that again?” Hux asked. “I think I just heard you say you needed advice, but such words would be impossible from your mouth.”

Kylo glared at Hux and used the force to slam him face-first into the plate of food he had been eating. Hux came up sputtering with mashed potatoes and baked beans dripping from his brows. 

“Supreme Leader, what advice do you seek?” Phasma asked, appropriate and dull as always. He almost regretted his request.

Then again, Phasma was a woman, despite how easy the fact was to forget. She might have some insight. “There’s a girl I’m interested in, and she’s been ignoring me. How do I get her to pay attention to me?”

“Assume she’s playing hard to get. Ignore her back,” Phasma said.

“That seems counterintuitive,” Hux said. “What if she doesn't like him?”

“She doesn't, but it might help him recover from the disappointment sooner and would allow her greater peace in the interim,” Phasma responded without ceremony.

“You don't know that,” Hux said, pointing a spoon at Phasma in between bites. “You don't even know who he likes.”

“I am the only woman in the First Order he has spent any length of time around in the last decade. The odds that he is attracted to any other woman are astronomically low.”

Kylo Ren stared at Phasma in horror. Hux shrugged. “True, though you never know. He might have fallen for the Jedi girl he captured on Takodana. Hey, did you ever notice that the start of Takodana sounds like taco?”

Kylo’s full attention went to Hux. “Hypothetically, if I were attracted to the Jedi girl, and she were ignoring me and referring to me as a monster for being the Supreme Leader of the First Order and trying to massacre everyone she knows, what should I do?”

Phasma and Hux both stared at him. “Her? Seriously?” Hux said. “When did you even have time to.. Nevermind. It doesn't matter. Is this why you've been in such a bad mood whenever I bring up the Resistance?”

Kylo Ren made the force choke gesture and raised his eyebrows at Hux.

Hux raised both hands, surrendering. “Got it. Got it. No teasing. So you like the Jedi girl, and she's ignoring you because she thinks you're a monster. Did I get that right?” 

Kylo nodded.

Hux continued. “Well, we don't necessarily have to destroy the Resistance. From what you told me, Skywalker is dead, and this girl is the only remaining threat to the First Order. Should I assume that you don't plan to kill her since you like her?”

Kylo Ren thought about it. He nodded. Both Hux and Phasma blinked a few times at his hesitation.

“Okay, well if she's the only teeth the Resistance has, and you plan to keep her alive, we could stop wasting resources pursuing them and offer some form of peace treaty. Maybe even give them some of what they want. It's not like I have any real objection to most of their goals. I just don't want to put elected officials in charge of things,” Hux said.

Phasma nodded. “I concur. We will support your love if you leave us in power and whine less.”

“Is it wrong to force choke a woman?” Kylo asked Hux while glancing at Phasma. “I’ve never done it before.”

Hux shrugged. “Force-choking does seem to fit the monster profile you want to avoid. Maybe it's time to turn over a new leaf. Go crazy. Stop bullying people with the force. Donate to charities. Adopt orphans. Reclaim your birth name. What was it again? Obi-Wan Solo?”

“Ben Solo,” Kylo growled. 

“I thought your birth certificate--”

“Ben,” Kylo insisted. They stared at each other, Kylo glaring and Hux barely containing his mirth. 

“See? You're already off to a good start reclaiming your name,” Hux said.

Kylo looked between Phasma and Hux suspiciously. “Neither of you are bothered by this? Either the change in First Order goals or my going after the girl who killed Snoke?”

Hux shrugged. “Nope. Not really.”

Phasma nodded. “Just leave Hux in charge of military decisions and me in charge of training, and we're good. Besides, it's not like either of us ever believed your story that the girl killed Snoke.”

“You didn't?” Kylo asked, surprised.

“Do we look stupid to you?” Hux asked.

“No, General Hugs, you absolutely do not look stupid,” Kylo said in an even voice. Hux's face turned as red as his hair.

Phasma rolled her eyes. “If you want the girl, become the good guy she wishes you were AND ignore her. Drive her nuts with desire, act like she doesn't exist, and when she is utterly crushed in despair and never believes she'll have another chance, then destroy her.”

Hux blinked at Phasma. “Don't you mean give her a chance then?”

Phasma shook her head. “Not at all. It is far more satisfying to destroy someone than to have a lover.”

Hux raised an eyebrow. “I feel like I understand you better now. I wish I hadn’t.”

Phasma didn’t bother responding.

“So you’re seriously recommending I make peace with the Resistance and agree to some of their demands so I can win a girl?” Kylo Ren asked, looking dubiously between his two highest-ranked subordinates.

Hux stared at Kylo Ren. “I’m honestly tired of the whole Resistance-battle. It’s horribly inefficient, and their demands are not that unreasonable past the whole elected officials nonsense that invites chaos. Just promise to hear them out and have a strong hand against slavery and oppression, and we’ll save ourselves a lot of trouble and resources. If it helps you win your lady love too and makes you less cranky, all the better.”

Kylo Ren nodded. “And I should ignore her while I do this?”

Phasma nodded and smiled. “Definitely.”


	2. Chapter 2

Rey was sick of her force bond to the monster who had once been Ben Solo. She had flown across the entire galaxy in Luke’s abandoned X-Wing searching for ways to break the bond. She wanted to be with the Resistance without risking revealing them to the First Order’s Supreme Leader through her bond. So far, she had found nothing of use.

Once a week, she checked in with the Resistance via her ship’s transmitter to see how things were going and report her progress. She had never been contacted first though, until now.

Rey stared at the beeping transmitter in confusion and trepidation. Was the Resistance under attack? Had Kylo Ren somehow learned how to contact her outside the force? It had been over a week since their last force bond. She shuddered, but she answered the transmission. “Hello?”

“Rey!” It was General Organa. Rey let out a huge sigh of relief. General Organa was not him, and General Organa did not sound like she was in trouble. If anything, she sounded delighted. “Rey, I have such good news for you! You can come back to the Resistance!”

Rey frowned. “What? But what about the whole--”

“Oh that doesn’t matter now. Ben renounced his identity as Kylo Ren and made peace with the Resistance. He still leads the First Order, but they are cooperating with us on nearly everything we have desired.”

Rey felt like she was spinning in a barrel roll. “What?”

“We have peace, Rey! And I have my son back! And he even says it’s because of you! Why didn’t you ever tell me that he was in love with you? Well, it doesn’t matter. He’s organized a barbecue in celebration at Maz’s castle on Takodana and invited several orphanages from local planets. He’s outside kicking a ball around with the kids and everyone else right now.”

Could she dare hope? But why hadn’t he told her? “I don’t understand.”

“I can hardly believe it myself! He’s even paying to rebuild Maz’s castle since he destroyed it the other month. Rey, he’s turned the First Order into an organization for good! Come on over and join us, please.”

Rey was dumbstruck, and her heart was in turmoil as she considered that she must have been wrong about him. If he was really doing all this, then the man she had fallen for was still there. And General Organa had even said he was doing it for her! Rey’s heart filled to bursting with hope and love for Ben Solo, though she was surprised he was doing all this through the First Order. She had never even considered that a possibility. Had she misunderstood his invitation for her to join him? Had he meant this? Doing good instead of evil together? 

And to think, she had been ignoring him all those times the force had bonded them since Snoke… an entire month. She bit the tip of her thumb. She had been very foolish to give up on him so soon, but now everything was better, and she would happily throw her arms around him and kiss him the next time she saw him, which would be as soon as she could get to Takodana. She punched in the coordinates and then realized General Organa had still been talking.

Rey blushed at her rudeness for not attending the conversation properly. “I’m sorry, General. I got lost in my thoughts. What were you saying?”

“Completely understandable. You have much to think about. I was only saying that it’s a shame he doesn’t want to see you,” General Organa said after a minute.

Rey’s brain short-circuited. “Who doesn’t want to see me?” Finn? Poe? Some other random Resistance guy?

“Ben, of course. Part of the treaty was that we would not use you as a representative of the Resistance for any diplomatic meetings with him.”

“WHAT!? We’re talking about Ben, the guy who was Kylo Ren and Supreme Leader of the First Order? The guy who spent the majority of the past month poking me and prodding me trying to get my attention through the force bond? He even showed up naked once!”

“Love can make one do strange things, Rey. But don’t worry about that anymore. He’s decided it’s too painful to be around you now, so he’s given up on you so that you can find happiness.”

Rey narrowed her eyes. “No way. I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“Well, in any case, please come visit. We miss you.”

“I’m on my way. I’ve missed you too,” Rey said and ended the transmission. There was no way that Kylo Ren had become Ben Solo and wouldn’t want to see her. It was simply too absurd after everything they had been through. “Takodana, here I come.”

A few hours and one hyperjump later, Rey landed her X-wing on Takodana. She had to park her ship rather far from Maz’s castle due to the immense number of other ships and people celebrating on the planet’s surface, but she would not miss this for the galaxy.

Of course, it had been a month since her daily morning runs around the island on Ahch-To, and her legs were burning by the time she reached the main celebration at the castle. Just like General Organa had said, there were children everywhere. A good number of stormtroopers had their helmets off and were kicking balls around with them. Pirates, Resistance fighters, and all kinds of other people were out there celebrating too. The scene was so unfamiliar and bizarre for Rey that she simply stood there, jaw gaping, and watched for several minutes.

“You know you’ll catch a fly if you keep your mouth open like that.”

Rey spun and found Finn next to her. “Finn! Oh, it’s so good to see you!” Rey wrapped her arms around him in a big, friendly hug. “Is it true?”

Finn hugged her back and laughed. “That the First Order is working with us and we have peace? Yea. It’s true. Ben’s actually a pretty cool guy now, and he said he did all this for you, you know. You must have really made an impression on him! Then again, you did scar his face.”

Rey couldn’t handle it anymore. “Where is he? I need to speak to him.”

Finn shook his head. “Oh no. No can do. He gave us explicit instructions not to help you find him. You broke his heart, Rey. Let the man have some space.”

“Finn!” Rey said. “I thought we were friends!”

Finn shrugged, unapologetic. “Bros first, Rey. You’ll have to find him on your own.”

Rey groaned that Finn wouldn’t help her until she remembered that she was perfectly capable of finding someone on her own with the force. 

“Thanks, Finn!” she said and closed her eyes, reaching out through the hundreds of people to look for that familiar force signature. There. I found you. She thought through the force to Ben and was surprised to see him startle and start maneuvering away from her.

Rey narrowed her eyes and started slipping through the crowd, dodging errant legs and balls as she made her way to Ben Solo.


	3. Chapter 3

Kylo Ren, no, he was BEN now. Ben Solo couldn’t believe his luck. After avoiding him for a month, Rey was actually coming for him! The plan was working!

He had no idea what to do.

Ben started running away well before he remembered that he was supposed to be ignoring Rey. Well, at least his instinct was consistent with the plan. But seriously, what was he supposed to do next?

He could feel her catching up to him. Must run faster.

After a moment, he realized he was running in the direction of his command shuttle. Well, she couldn’t catch him if he was off-planet, could she? He reached through the force to start the launch sequence so he could be in the air the second he was aboard.

 _Why are you running?_ Rey asked him through the force. He didn’t respond. He was supposed to be ignoring her, right? And even if he wasn’t, what could he say? He had no idea what to do now that she was actually coming after him.

His heart soared. Rey was coming after him!

His feet hit the ramp just as he heard Rey shout, “COME BACK HERE, BEN!!!” He knocked the control to close the ramp with the force and collapsed into the pilot seat, finalizing the launch sequence so he could leave the ground.

The ship lifted up and Ben exhaled deeply. He had escaped her.

_THUNK._

Ben looked up and found Rey crouched on the windshield, glaring fiercely at him. “Agheegigum!” Ben shrieked, falling sideways out of the pilot seat onto the floor.

“Why are you avoiding me!?” she shouted, though her voice was quiet due to the thick glass.

“I can’t hear you!” Ben lied, pulling himself together and hiding behind the pilot chair.

“Why are you hiding?”

“I’m not hiding!” Ben said.

_Liar._

“Okay, I’m hiding,” he admitted.

_I’m losing atmosphere out here._

Oh. Right.

Ben crawled back into the pilot’s seat and stopped the ship’s ascent. He looked up and saw that he was nearly out of the atmosphere and Rey was very pale and in some kind of Jedi trance. He blanched and brought the ship back down to normal atmosphere quickly. He looked for a place to land, but his spot in front of Maz’s castle had already been claimed.

Help.

Ben looked up to see that Rey had collapsed and was having trouble staying on the ship. He quickly grabbed her with the force, holding her steady. He then held onto her while he flew away from Maz’s castle and landed in an isolated spot in the woods.

The second he landed, he opened the ramp and ran down it, just in time to catch her as she slid off his ship.

“Rey?” he said. He could sense her life force, so she was alive, but she was very still and her eyes were closed and what if...

“Got you,” Rey said weakly, gripping his tunic.

Ben dropped her in shock. Rey grabbed him around the ankles the second she hit the ground and curled her body around his feet. “I’m not letting you go!”

This was not part of the plan. Ben stared down at her, wondering if he could somehow free his feet without accidentally kicking or otherwise hurting her. No one had told him what to do in this situation. The girl he loved and was supposed to be avoiding was now wrapped around his ankles. He stared at her in quiet shock.

“Why did you run away?” Rey asked. She looked up to meet his eyes.

Her eyes were so beautiful. Ben gulped. She hadn't met his eyes like that in so long.

Rey frowned at him. “Say something!”

Ben shook his head almost on reflex. His silence was not by design. He had completely forgotten the plan Phasma suggested. He simply had no idea what to say to Rey.

Rey glared at him. “You refused to come with me after Snoke, pestered me for a month through our bond with no hint that you would consider leaving the monstrous path the First Order had taken under Snoke, and then… this!”

Ben tried to take a step backward and tripped over Rey's thighs. He landed with a whoomf on the ground, trapping her underneath his own legs. Rey scrambled upright so she sat with his knees over her lap. Her own legs sprawled out underneath his knees and out the other side. She leaned over his knees and hugged them tight to her chest.

“I'm not letting you go until you talk to me,” she said.

Ben was still speechless. He gazed at her in wonder. She was actually hugging him… yes, it was just his knees and only to restrain him, but still, Rey was hugging him!

Rey stared at him a few more seconds and lowered her eyes. “Please, Ben. Everyone's saying that you changed the First Order for me, that you... love me, but also that you never want to see me again…” Rey sniffed and wiped her face against his knee. “I… know I didn't like being pestered by you when I misunderstood you, so I promise I'll leave you alone after this if it's what you want, but I need to hear it from your lips.”

Rey faced Ben, and he saw tears streaming down her cheeks. She wasn't supposed to start crying. He had no clue what to do, so he stared at her, dumbfounded.

Rey's face crumbled with sorrow, and he realized he had to say something, even if he didn't know what.

“Umm…”

She looked up, quiet and wet eyes glimmering with sudden hope.

“Uh…”

He stared at those beautiful eyes that seemed to grow larger with each moment his brain stuttered to find words.

“Ben, tell me what you're thinking.”

Ben's jaw slackened sideways at the request, but she had stopped crying, so maybe he should do as she asked.”

“I can't think,” he confessed. “You're looking at me. It's been so long.”

Rey blushed bright red and looked down at his knees instead. “Is this better?”

“No,” Ben said. “Don't look away.”

Rey met his eyes again. “You just said you couldn't think when I looked at you!”

“I know,” Ben replied. He was baffled by the whole exchange.

Rey glared at him. “Can you at least answer my questions?”

Ben nodded, though not with much confidence.

“Did you really change the First Order and come to peace with the Resistance for me?” He nodded. That was an easy one. “Really?” He nodded again. “Why now?”

His throat was so heavy with shock it was painful to speak, but he did. “You told me you weren't speaking to me because I was a monster. You told me what you wanted. I thought that, maybe, if I did what you wanted, you would speak to me again.”

Rey leaned her head against his knees. “But if you wanted to speak to me again, why tell everyone it was too painful to see me?”

Ben blushed. “Phasma,” he muttered quietly.

“Force be with you,” Rey said and waited expectantly. Her words were standard response for someone who had just sneezed. Had he misheard her? He supposed Phasma’s name did sound sort of like a sneeze.

“Phasma,” he said more clearly. She looked confused. “Creepy stormtrooper captain? Has silver armor and no soul?”

“Don't know him.”

“It's a her, actually. You were avoiding me. I asked for her advice. She said I should avoid you back.”

The words were barely out of his mouth when Rey scoffed. “That's stupid.”

“It is? But you're here. It worked!” Ben protested.

“And if you hadn't ignored me and just told me that you were changing the First Order for me, I would have kissed you!”

“Kissed me?” Ben said. His brain short-circuited at the very possibility and his blood pounded in his veins.

Rey blushed as well. “Yes, kissed you. I would have leaped into your arms and kissed you.”

Ben grinned in amazement, his jaw still loose and drooping. He realized he probably looked quite goofy and foolish in the moment, but he didn't care. Rey wanted to kiss him.

Why wasn't she?

He looked at her hopefully and puckered his lips. That was part of initiating kissing, right? Come to think of it, how did one go about such things?

Rey giggled and let go of his knees. “You look ridiculous, Ben. Let's just get inside your ship, and we'll figure out the rest later.”

Ben sighed in disappointment, pulled his legs off of her, and stood up. He turned to offer Rey a hand up, but she was already standing. He pouted again at the loss of the excuse to touch her again and started towards the ramp.

“Hey Ben,” Rey said.

Ben turned to her, and she grabbed the neck of his shirt, pulled him down to her height, and planted a whopper of a kiss right on his lips before letting him go.

Ben froze in amazement, and Rey walked coolly around him up the ramp.

Rey had kissed him! He felt his face slide into that awkward sideways grin again as he walked up the ramp to join Rey in the ship. He didn't care how goofy he looked as long as Rey was at his side.


End file.
